Okay guys, we have a super serious question to ask you. Who would win in a fight: a fire ant or a killer bee? Or how about this one: a killer bee vs. a caterpillar…BUT the caterpillar is human sized, while the killer bee retains its natural proportions?
If you couldn’t tell, we’re in a matchup mood over here at Goldtouch. Blame March Madness if you will — or maybe it’s our excitement about the upcoming Superman vs. Batman flick (seriously, who’s gonna win that fight???).
We’re crazed, so we’re giving up and giving in for this week’s blogpost. We’ve put together three of the most epic battles for your reading pleasure. The competitors are fierce, and the only thing you can bet on is that there won’t be any knockouts — just a battle to the death.
So ring that bell. Here we go!
Matchup 1: Light Saber-Polar Bear Vs. Unarmed T-Rex
If you’ve ever taken a walk through a natural history museum with a dino display, this matchup should seem like an easy one to solve. As this visualization shows, T-rex is several orders of magnitude larger than a polar bear. A full-grown T-rex weighs about 5 tons (10,000 pounds) while a full grown zodiac polar clocks in at “only” 1,600 pounds (.8 tons). T-rex is about 40 – 45 feet long and 42 feet tall. We can expect the polar bear to be only 3.5 to 5 feet, or 10 feet when standing on hind legs. Male polar bears are significantly bigger than their female counterparts, but then again, if T-rex were to disturb a mama polar bear’s cubs, one can imagine she would be the more vicious
opponent, regardless of size.
So, when it comes to weight class, T-rex wins, hands down. If the polar bear isn’t too vicious, T-rex could easily just sit down on polar bear and that’d be the end of that match. Or, you know, T-rex could spread some bbq sauce across polar bear’s head and snap polar bear in two with 12,800 pounds of bite force, the greatest known to a terrestrial animal, according to Smithsonian Magazine.
But let’s not forget who won in the story of David Vs. Goliath. Polar bears can be super agile, and they’ve got a strong dew claw for traction on ice and for ripping apart prey. It would be a tough battle, but one could see a quick moving polar bear shredding T-rex with that claw before T even sees her coming. She’d have to move fast, though. Despite what Jurassic Park would have us believe, T-rex actually has greater binocular range than a hawk and can see at 13 times the resolution of us weakling humans.
One way you’d think a polar bear might have a chance is by playing chase. Polar bear would lead T-rex onto thin ice, which obviously couldn’t hold a 5-ton animal, and watching that sucker drown. But it turns out that T-rex is actually most likely a great swimmer. Who woulda thunk it?
So, no matter how we slice it, it looks like the the only way polar bear could win this thing really is by having a light saber strapped to her forehead or paw. And even then, she’d still have to move quickly to make it work. Her best bet would be to somehow trip up T-rex so that he fell to the ground, at which point his ineffectual forearms would make it impossible for T to push the weight of his body upwards, and hunger, the elements, or that dewclaw could do the rest of the work. That, or polar bear could recruit an asteroid.
Here you can see how T-rex would fare against someone more in his weight class: Triceratops.
Matchup 2: Superman Vs. Batman
Again, at first glance this one seems like a no-brainer. Superman, unlike Batman, has a laundry list of god-like powers, including solar energy absorption, superhuman strength, flight, healing factor, superhuman speed, and oh yeah, invulnerability, among many more. Kinda hard to think about beating an invulnerable guy. Particularly one who could just sit back from space and destroy Batman from afar if he wanted to.
And yet, Superman is uh, actually pretty vulnerable. There’s the whole kryptonite thing (though he does manage to fling kryptonite away from him quite often). He doesn’t do too hot in red sunlight (goodbye any and all powers), strangely enough. He often seems to be under some kind of mind control, and, perhaps most difficult to deal with of all, he’s just kind of a nice guy. Compare that to Batman who, let’s face it, is kind of a sociopath. And it’s totally viable that Superman would, say, hold back on Batman out of pity, only to have Batman maniacally manipulate him and come at him with one of his million toys until Batman actually finds a weakness, at which point it will be too late for Superman to do much about it. In fact, knowing and exploiting his opponents’ weaknesses is kind of Batman’s deal.
Winner: Draw. There are too many what ifs, and it could go either way every time. If we’re just talking about brute strength and number of super powers, Superman obviously wins. But if Batman is on his sociopathic game and Superman is having distracting Lois problems, then it wouldn’t be out of the question that Batman wins instead.
What do you think? Cast your vote here.
Matchup 3: Ergonomic Keyboard Vs. Traditional Flat Keyboard
Okay, maybe we weren’t quite right with that “no knockouts” business. In a matchup between an ergonomic keyboard and a traditional flat keyboard, the ergonomic keyboard wins, no question. I mean just take a look at what the flat keyboard brings to the ring
- Carpal tunnel syndrome. That flat, straight keyboard forces your wrists into awkward angles, putting pressure on the carpal tunnel in your forearm. This eventually leads to swelling and, you guessed it, carpal tunnel syndrome, which is painful and generally no fun.
- Decreased productivity, efficiency, creativity, and overall fun. When you’re in pain, you’re not exactly in at the top of of your innovation game, or even simply at getting things done in a timely manner. Because, well, you hurt, and pain is distracting.
- Increased absentee rates. When your pain gets bad enough, you’ll stay home from work. Or take an absence so that you can get surgery. That puts you behind at work, throws off your clients, and definitely messes with your team dynamic.
Okay, so far in the traditional flat keyboard “win” column we have exactly nothing. How does that compare to an ergonomic keyboard?
Answer: it doesn’t, because an ergonomic keyboard sideswipes a traditional flat keyboard out of the ring without so much as a yawn. There simply is no comparison.
Goldtouch ergonomic keyboards are split in the middle and can be further pulled apart using the Goldtouch patented lock and lever system. Just find the angle that keeps your hands and wrists in the most natural position for you. You’ll type away without putting any pressure on your carpal tunnel, joints, or elsewhere in your musculature system. Goldtouch ergonomic keyboards also tent vertically, for even more comfort. And with both scissor switch and rubber dome key technology on offer, you’ll always get the right amount of feedback so that you’re not depressing the keys using more force than you need.
Uh, less pain, higher productivity, and simply being awesome at work? The answer to this question is clear:
Winner: Goldtouch ergonomic keyboards.
You should buy one, because if you do, you’ll be the clear winner at work, too. Check out our selection today.
That’s it for our matchups this round. Who would you like to see us compare in the future? Let us know your favorite smackdowns in the blog comments below or by sending us a tweet!